THE PRINCESS AND THE PEA

Once upon a time there was a young prince - fussy, he was, very picky, in fact, you might go so far as to call him a bit spoilt, and you’d be right - he was. One day he went to his mother, the queen, and said, “mother, it’s so tiresome being single - boring - I think it’s time I settled down and, you know, got married.” “Oh, excellent, my son!” Said the queen, who was wondering when he’d grow up and face his responsibilities. “Erm - do you have anyone in mind?” She asked. “No, not really, you can sort that out for me, mother, but I don’t want any old riff-raff, I want to marry a real princess, she must be pretty, naturally, but most importantly, she must be a princess in every way. See to it will you, there’s a dear.” He said, as he sauntered off to play with his friends. The queen set about her task quickly, she wanted to get him married before he could change his mind. So, off to the wise woman she went, for advice, which she got. The queen invited a lovely young princess to the palace, they feasted and danced then she went to bed. In the morning, the queen asked the princess whether she slept well or not. “Oh, I slept soundly, what a comfortable bed you gave me to sleep in, your majesty.” Said the princess. The prince and his mother waved goodbye to her as she drove off in her carriage. “She was alright, I suppose.” Said the prince. “No, she wasn’t.” Said his mother. She wasn’t a proper princess at all. And so, the queen invited another, and another, and ANOTHER princess, all of them lovely and from the finest kingdoms nearby, but after they had all told the queen that they’d slept comfortably, she knew that none of them would be the right bride for her fussy son. The queen despaired of ever finding a suitable princess, but she kept inviting girls from the Royal families, near and far, and then, disappointed, sending them away the next day. Until, one day, another princess visited, again they feasted and danced. The queen asked her how she was enjoying the feast, and the princess replied, “it’s alright I suppose, but the food is only fit for peasants, and the music is too loud; your son can’t dance, either, he’s rubbish at it. But, other than that, it’s better than most feasts I’ve been to. That’s not saying much, though.” “Ooh,” said the queen, “so nice of you to say so.” “My pleasure, entirely.” Said the princess. Royally rude, that’s what she was. The princess went to her bed of feather quilts and luxuriously soft mattresses after the festivities, only to call for the maid, a short time later, to ask for another mattress and some cushions, which she got. But was she happy? No! the poor maid was woken again. “I’m not used to sleeping on lumps of gravel,” said the princess, “bring me some more cushions and all the mattresses you can find!” The maid did this, no doubt grumbling about the spoilt Princess as she did. Soon the princess was balancing on thirty luxury mattresses, and surrounded by soft, plump, cushions. Did this make her happy? No, it didn’t! She grumbled and groaned throughout the night, and when she came down to breakfast in the morning, the queen asked her whether she’d had a good sleep. “No, I certainly did not!” Said the grumpy princess. “I’m black and blue from lying in discomfort all night, no matter how many soft mattresses and cushions I had the maid bring!” The queen was delighted – here was a true princess! The queen had placed a hard, little pea under the bottom mattress, for the wise woman had told her, that only a true and delicate, princess would feel the discomfort of a pea through a luxury mattress. This one had felt it through thirty of them, and numerous cushions, too! Perfect!  The wedding was arranged - the princess married the prince, and I don’t mind telling you,,,,,,,,,,,,,