Ep. #87: Riding the Waves

This week we're going to talk about riding the waves instead of fighting them.Life is wavy. It's part of the human experience. We all have highs and lows, good days and bad days, positive and negative emotions.This is normal and we don't need to change it.But I want to share something that I observe over and over again - in myself, my clients, the people around me - and that's that when we feel challenged, when life feels hard, or we feel anxious a lot of the time, those feelings can become habitual.Let's say you've had an intense week. Your kid was sick, so you lost a lot of sleep and were stuck at home, then you got sick, then school was canceled because of the snow...When your circumstances stack up like this, you might start thinking about all of the things you could be doing, all of the work you're going to have to catch up on, all of the screen time that's slipped in over the week and how hard it's going to be to rebalance. From there, you hit your emotional lows. You might feel anxious, edgy, defeated, depressed... and those emotions make you more reactive and less emotionally available or connected to your family.Your lows dip lower, and you can't wait for things to get back to normal, to have more space.Then Monday rolls around, and everyone is back to their routine, but you can't stop thinking about all the makeup work you have to do. Even though it's what you wanted, it still doesn't feel good. And while you may have felt excited or optimistic at first, you find yourself dragged down quickly as your focus shifts to your to-do list. And at the same time, you can't stop thinking about how much of a fight your child put up about going to school. The time you were looking forward to, the space, the freedom, doesn't ACTUALLY feel free or spacious. You end the day overwhelmed and drained.It's familiar. It doesn't feel bad, necessarily. Just like you're always fighting. Fighting to make it through the hard times, fighting to catch up. You're always on, somehow, always thinking ahead and anticipating and feeling like there's something you SHOULD be doing. And you never take a moment to celebrate the fact that you've made it this far. Your brain is so busy, actually, that you never really get to rest, even.This is just one example - a fairly mild, run-of-the-mill example - of how this can show up.What I want to offer you, though, is that this pattern is a habit, and it's one that keeps you feeling on edge and anxious regardless of what your circumstances are. You might even tell yourself that things aren't really that bad, and yet you still find yourself lying awake at night thinking about how you're going to make it through the next day.You never really turn off.When your circumstances feel bad, you're fighting to survive. And when your circumstances ease up, you're fighting to catch up or make good use of the time.You're always fighting.And it feels normal.And if you try to let go of that, if you try to just be present to the good and the bad? It feels... uncomfortable.So you stay with what you know, you keep fighting, and you go through life exhausted and edgy.I want to offer that this is very, very common, AND that there are steps you can take to address it today.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit partneredpathparenting.substack.com