11. Yesterday’s Coffee.

That girl from the Uber teen commercial is so remarkably beautiful. I hope she has a long and successful career. Black beyond measure-/ Wat. I'm so black, you can't measure my blackness. What in the fuck BLACK BEYOND MEASURE. BITCH. Nooo. What. What is that. I can measure my blackness. To a t. But yours!? Oh no! You're black beyond measure. What does that entail? Obviously it's a positive thing— So black you are black beyond measure. Woah, Nelly! woah now! Okay! “Oh, how black are you?” I'm like “One half, exactly” She's like “¼— a quarter black, a quarter Cherokee” How black are you?! I AM BLCK BEYOND MEASURE, BITCH. DAYUM. That's a lot of black. Oh, so I guess the door slammers are back cause I emptied my bank account on housing goods? I guess. Maybe it's triggered by some sort of poverty alert system Sure. That's hilarious. I keep way more cash on hand than I do in the bank, And my internet bill is due and everything, but after that— I'mma still be okay. Fucking pansy drones. What do you think they are? Underpaid. Download this app now for TRACKERS. Huh. And $10 Really? Yeah. Complete this mission: What mission. Go— over here. Ok. Now do this. Huh. Don't forget to wear red today. Why red. Meanwhile Hey. What's up. You should wear blue today. Alright. Why. Cause we hate the democrats and you're a fucking loser. What. It's brainwashing. Wear blue. What. Wear blue! Ok. Wear these— super nice— like red sneakers. Ok Check it out. This red motorcycle is on sale. What's up what's up. Get your red gear, highly affordable, street wear, outerwear—look just— nice looking stuff— wear red! Why?! Cause we hate the democrats and all the fucked up people are wearing blue today; you fit the look, okay, just wear red, and act conservative; don't question too much and stuff, be a robot. Okay, what am I supposed to do. Never ever wash your sneakers— Okay. Make sure they are white. Alright. Wear white. Uh huh. And be crusty. Damn. The Dillon Francis decoys are back. For what, I wonder. I don't know, but that's impressive. Would you say this is an act of magic, or manipulation. Could just be some bizzare genetic anomaly. Could be. I don't know though, could just be I like lookin at him, and this is God's way of letting me without being a creep . It's still kind of creepy. Remember that this is happening to me and around me with no provocation whatsoever besides this series. He hasn't even been written into the series lately. That much, Dammit. That's because I stopped listening to his music . Why. It was giving me heartburn. Valid, And I realized: Goddamn. His eyes are devastating. What in the total fuck, God. WHY. WHY. (Almost cries) Alright, don't do that— don't— just — Here. Okay. Okay? Yeah. Damn. *sniffles* You remember that kid with the awful eyes — Which one? The— Oh, the Adonis!? Yeah. That's my son. You son of a bitch. Stay dead, bro. That's not fair! Okay, now— Play dead Play dead. Roll over. Shut up. You shut up. Shit for brains. Come here. WHERE ARE YOU? I'm— like out here, my nigga. Once again, I am not your “that thing” You mean that word? No, I mean that thing— Cause if you're gonna make it a thing, It's a thing. It becomes a thing. A thing is a thing! Agreed. WHERE ARE YOU? I'm out here, Tina Fey. I'm still out here. Where are you at? I'm at THE ROCK, like you said to be— At the time you said to be— With the things you said to be— waiting for you to show up here LIKE YOU SAID YOU WOULD BE. then that's where I am. WHAT. See ya soon. *hangs up cosmic space intergalactic space phone* Does that thing not have a name? Almost nothing has a name at this point it would be redundant. Heeeeere kitty kitty. Let me just jump in to remind you real quick how this season arc started with a kite Apparently it's a three season arc Apparently, it's a 10-season arc cause the whole rock-kite thing started when I was on set for The Bachelor and Kesha said that fucking thing about a rock and a kite and it blew my brains out of my head that day. Also acid. Also that, but also— Skrillex. Facts. I got a fax. Whats's it say. “Go fuck yourself. “ Ah. Whose it from. You're— not going to believe this… Why? Cause I don't. What's it say? It says it's from you. Hm. Does that not— suprise you— in any way? Check the date. It says —wait for it— Okay, now this is odd, because it's today's date, But it says it's from the year 1996. 1998. Yes. Okay. Is that— okay? I'll see you later. Where are you going? I'm gonna go fuck myself. — I— [leaves] —-???? [beat] Is that a metaphore for something??? {Enter The Multiverse} lol why is Jason Sudakis in this series? Cause why not? And I don't know, I think he's got an arc It's a weird arc, man. What. CUT TO: asia “Ali's joints” So you have to like, purposely slamnthisndoornfornitntonbe this loud then? Tried and tested. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©