TPJ 40: Why Kids Don't Listen

Does it frustrate you when you ask your children to do something, and they don’t do it? Do your kids ever tune you out or not hear you when you’re trying to talk to them? Do they ever dig in their heels or do the opposite of what you’re asking them to do? Doesn’t it just drive you CRAZY sometimes?? Or is it just me? 

In this episode we’re going to talk about why children don’t “listen” and what we can do to improve the odds they’ll cooperate and comply with our requests more often.  

• [3:56] The term “listen” has become a euphemism for “obey.” 
• [7:05] Let’s aim for this instead of obedience.
• [9:40] There are times when we need our children to comply with a request.
• [10:38] There are many reasons why kids...even you and me...don't listen.
• [13:09] They might be busy or in "flow.”
• [13:56] They might have a more pressing need.
• [16:04] Don't have what they need (tools, skills, etc.) to fulfill a request.
• [17:03] They might not understand what we’re asking.
• [18:24] They don't want to do what we've asked them to do.
• [20:39] Hunter Clarke-Fields explains how we’re often the ones not listening. 
• [24:31] How do we make ourselves heard? There has to be some friction that breaks their concentration.
• [26:39] Go down to their level, make eye contact, and speak calmly, clearly, and in a way they can understand. 
• [28:15] If you’re interrupting them, let them know when they can get back to what they were doing. 
• [30:47] Sometimes you will still have to follow through and help them.
• [32:38] Minimize the number of requests we make and only request things that are really important. 
• [34:36] We must model listening by listening to them (as much as possible). 

We won’t (and can’t) do all of these things perfectly every single time, but it’s something to work toward. 

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Resources Mentioned: 

• Why obedience is NOT my goal
• Obedience vs. Respect 
• Hunter Clarke-Fields

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/40